Clear Thinking

Impulses have always been an issue of mine. I always want to get these big gains in my near future, but just as my ambition increases, so does every impulse and urge.

It is rare when I am in a peaceful state and genuinely enjoying the process. I don’t mind the stress and pain I tell myself. I don't worry about the future I tell myself. I haven't proven either claim yet.

No matter when it is, when I feel motivated to create there has always been this looming anxiety that I am too late. In 8th grade, it was dropshipping, panicking that if I didn't finish my site and launch ads by the end of the week, someone else would beat me to it.

In crypto, it was the same. With learning Solidity, instead of taking the time to actually master it, I half assed it and went straight to building out a product directly. I'm not mad that I want things done quick, I just hate how many chances and opportunities I've given myself without tangible results.

I haven't felt able minded since then. I truly don't know how to focus for the long term anymore. It isn't that I can't sit for hours, it's that I need to see immediate results. In a new space that I want to learn and enter, it's getting harder to make an impact that I am happy with.

I want to be great, I'm just holding myself back.